


Be my last love

by N_Moonbreeze



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Fluff, In-Universe RPF, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-01-24
Packaged: 2019-10-15 16:03:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17531861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/N_Moonbreeze/pseuds/N_Moonbreeze
Summary: "Some day, no matter how distant it was, we would no longer be singers Kyuhyun and Ryeowook of Super Junior, but normal civilians once more.That day, I would no longer care what anyone else thought."





	Be my last love

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I originally posted this on AFF under "Moonbreeze". After proofreading it once more, I posted it here again on a better platform. I hope you will enjoy it and please, do drop a comment!

* * *

 

 

This is it. The last show, the last ment, the last lineup. Twenty years of hard work comes to an end on this day. Much to the disappointment of the fans, I’m sure, but when the group’s maknae is already having difficulty keeping up with the steps at 37 years of age, you can imagine how hard the hours long concert must be for the leader. Everything has its time and place, and two decades of surfing on top of the hallyu wave is enough for us. We have experienced and accomplished everything; it is time to finally have some rest.

Which means having some privacy at last… At least it does it for me. There is a secret I’ve—we’ve been keeping for almost 15 years now. It has profoundly changed me, has given me sleepless nights, has put me through doubt, sadness and despair even, but has been worth every single second. And now, just for this one night, I will let our fans take just a peek at the truth behind this idol’s façade.

He is a bit startled when I grasp his hand, but melts into a sweet smile as soon as he recognizes me. I begin to steer him towards the final line-up, rubbing my thumb across his hand as we walk. It is not abnormal behaviour for us on stage, but usually it is done under the pretense of brotherly skinship or shiptease for the fans. Even though there have been occasions where I have…slipped out of character a bit, we have never been caught for real. All of the members share a special bond, and it isn’t hard to fake a more romantic connection with any of them.

But tonight… Tonight I will let every single emotion show on my face.

For there is only one person who truly holds my heart.

                                                                                   

“Nervous?” Ryeowook asks as we take our positions, last ones in the line with only Henry on Ryeowook’s right side. The youngster (of 36 years, I still have a hard time believing that) smiles widely at us, briefly glancing at our intertwined hands and then gives us a wink. I can see Ryeowook blushing a bit, and I wind my arm around his slender waist, cradling him in my arms just as Leeteuk starts his speech.

“Not at all. It’s what I’ve been wanting to do for all these years, after all,” I say with a smile, and press a light kiss on the top of his head. I can hear some squealing near us, and figure it must be a concentration of our own shippers. How convenient!

I promised our leader that I wouldn’t attract too much attention, as if me staring at my husband like a love-struck teenager wasn’t going to accomplish that, so I try to keep the kisses to a minimum. Certainly not any on the lips. But just then Ryeowook snuggles against my shoulder, looking up at me adoringly, and my resolve crumbles a bit. I give him another kiss, this time on the temple, and earn a small giggle from him.

God, after so many years, I’m still under his spell.

 

* * *

 

                                                                                         

The first time was in China, 2008. The first time either of us had stayed in a foreign country for such a long time. Surrounded by a people whose language we didn’t understand, with only half of our members keeping us company, we began to rely on each other more than ever. Ryeowook was already my best friend, had been almost since the first day I joined Super Junior, and his presence had become as much of a necessity as breathing. One night, I found him in our shared hotel room, crying after a phone call to his mom. He missed his parents dearly, as we all did, but something about his pain, his precious tears that night stirred up something new and unknown inside me. Not only sympathy, but also a need to protect, hold close, take care of. Innocently enough, I embraced him, let him cry against my chest as I whispered words of reassurance to him until his sobs died down. When finally lifted his head to say a quiet thank you, something in my mind clicked as I saw the sorrow and hurt on his beautiful face.

I kissed him.

Did I stop and think beforehand, at least consider the option that this simple action might have ruined our friendship forever? To be completely honest, I didn’t. But maybe it was for the best: who knows if we had ever become something more, had I only listened to my rational brain.

Since God decided to be merciful, maybe as an apology for almost letting me die once, Ryeowook returned my kiss soft and shy, almost as if he were afraid the moment would shatter. I felt my heart jumping in my chest, ecstatic for sure but a bit unclear as to why. That I would only learn over a year later.

 

* * *

 

                                                                          

It was like a nightmare that didn’t seem to end. Hangeng, Kibum, Kangin… Was this going to be our end? Not now, not at the peak of our popularity, not after everything seemed to be going well…

Leeteuk was depressed, Heechul was angry, Yesung was emotionless. Sungmin, Siwon and Shindong kept quiet, busying themselves with work. Eunhyuk and Donghae found comfort in each other, years long friendship helping them push through. Zhoumi and Henry kept out of sight, not wanting us to see how hurt they were because of the blame ELF put on them.

That left us, the maknaes. The ones who were used to being spoiled by our hyungs, especially me, were now left to take care of ourselves as Super Junior tried to sail through the storm 2009 brought with it. We had gotten used to seeking solace in each other’s arms, but this was different. There was pent-up anger, frustration, desperation that sought a way out. And one faithful day all of it hit us with full force. One messed-up dance practice filled with shouting, cursing and stomping-out was finally the last straw.

In the darkness of a shared bedroom, with the fear of our hyungs returning and finding out, I nearly took him against the wall, forgetting how to be gentle in my haste. As we finally made it to bed, I looked deep into his eyes as I pushed in, my heart pounding almost painfully in my chest as I watched him try and control his breath. I had wanted to call it something casual, “just blowing of some steam”, but that was before I heard his beautiful voice moaning my name, his nails digging into my shoulders as I touched something deep inside him.

If it had been only something insignificant, I wouldn’t have had to worry about losing it. But then he wound his arms behind my neck, mouthing _I love you_ before reaching his climax, and I kissed him with everything I had as I followed right behind him. His slight frame shook underneath me as I watched him, realizing he was something I could _never_ let go. No matter what happened around us. No matter where we would end up.

“I love you too,” I whispered, and wiped the tears that gathered in the corners of his eyes, not caring if mine were wetting his chest as well.  

 

* * *

 

                                                                               

How it wasn’t clear to everyone, I have no idea. I can’t help that the love I have for him sometimes escapes through my eyes, when I’m caught off-guard and lost in thought. Sometimes it’s a love song that he’s singing, or when he has heard a joke and is laughing like a maniac. Sometimes it’s when the members tease him, but then I have to be careful not to get hit on afterwards. Trust me, his punches hurt even though you probably won’t believe it, looking at his size.

It was hard to keep pretending. How are you supposed to keep the greatest joy of your life a secret? A part of me just wanted to come out one day, at a concert or on Twitter, to show one of the many romantic pictures we had taken over the years. I wanted people to hear that his love songs were about me, I wanted them to know that no matter how many roses he gave at his concerts, it was still only me who he had given his heart to. I wanted him to be able to wear his wedding ring so that every one of his suitors and fangirls knew who he already belonged to.

But I kept quiet for the sake of my other love. I knew that letting our secret out would quite possibly have meant leaving Super Junior. No matter how great my love for him was, I could not jeopardize what our leader had fought so hard to keep together. And a small part of me was terrified of what would happen to Ryeowook if and when people heard. He always took criticism to heart, blaming himself even for things that were out of his control. To see him blamed for something like that was a risk I wasn’t willing to take.

Still, the day would come that Super Junior disbanded, if only after we were too old and brittle to dance to our own songs. Some day, no matter how distant it was, we would no longer be singers Kyuhyun and Ryeowook of Super Junior, but normal civilians once more.

That day, I would no longer care what anyone else thought.

 

* * *

 

                                                                           

Each of the members gave a heartfelt ment, going down the line one by one. It takes a while for so many guys to give ELF their final goodbye, and at some point Ryeowook starts leaning on me more, his eyes closed as we listen to their speeches quietly. His hair still smells of the lavender shampoo he used this morning, and his makeup only enhances the beauty a man almost in his fourties should not rightfully have. I stopped wondering how he does it, year after year, and now only revel in the fact that I’m blessed to have such a stunning person as my significant other. Call me a sap if you want, he’s the one who causes me to act like this.

I’m not going to say it out loud. There will always be people who get angry, who harbor hopeless dreams about us getting together with them, finally fulfilling what we promised in _Marry U_. And even if they were reasonable… I don’t want to be cruel. Not everyone finds love like this in their lifetime. But the thing is, I don’t have to say anything. The way I’m holding him right now, the way he’s smiling, the way we look like we are never letting go… I don’t think it gets more obvious than this. All the feelings held back for fifteen years are all bursting out at once, and this time I’m not about to stop myself. So I continue smiling like an idiot as I run my fingers through his hair, feeling an ever so soft kiss on my neck.

Some weeks, maybe only days after this, Dispatch will likely release the photos SM has been paying them to keep hidden for so long. If not that, then the fans are finally going to realize that we are still living in the same apartment despite our group disbanding. Or see us walk together with our wedding rings on. The truth will come out some day even to those who don’t want to see.

Siwon finally gives Ryeowook the microphone, and I idly listen as he chatters on, giving the fans some flying kisses in-between. I know I promised Leeteuk not to make a scene, but…

When he least expects it, I lean in to press a tender kiss on his cheek, just on the corner of his mouth. From the resounding gasp from the audience and the blush on his cheeks I know I’ve done more than enough to make it clear where we stood. I know I will be most likely see dumbfounded, even hurt faces in the crowd when my speech starts, but then again, this is who I am. Who I have been for most of my life. Completely and utterly spellbound by Kim Ryeowook.

And when I start my speech, I feel a pair of lips brushing against my cheek as well, returning the favour. For I am blessed to have the person I adore to return my feelings. All these years, and all the years to come.

                                                                             

 

 


End file.
